It's been Forever...Again...By: Zayle

This pregnancy thing, has got to be one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful, but it is tough!

I never thought I would be pregnant, or I thought that the journey would be really long. I was diagnosed with PCOS a couple of years ago, Seth and I decided we would start trying early because we wanted to get pregnant shortly after we got married. The doctor warned us that it would take some time and we would most likely have to see a specialist. He wanted us to try for three months and if we didn't get pregnant, then we would start looking at different options. Never in a million years did I think that we would end up pregnant that first try. I most definitely wasn't wanting to be pregnant before the wedding, but looking at it now it fell at the absolute perfect time--when I give birth I'll actually be on a month long break from grad school. This pregnancy is a miracle, and it must be meant to be.

However, this miracle, is incredibly trying on a girl who has suffered from eating disorders for years. Seeing my weight go up on the scale has been almost unbearable. I have already gained 7 pounds...the amount of weight you should gain the first trimester is 1-5 pounds. I know that this has a lot to do with my eating, it is tough to eat anything healthy these days. The thought of chicken or fish makes me want to run to the toilet. Carbs seem to be my best friend at keeping some of the nausea at bay...but obviously not my friend when it comes to the scale. I've also been so incredibly sick that I haven't been able to keep up with my workouts, it's all I can do just to get to work every morning. I battle feeling queasy all day long. Knowing I'll be on the beach in two weeks has me wanting to run for the hills. I'm dreading my wedding!

There are days I don't want to leave the house or go anywhere, I try to dodge my friends outside of work because I am embarrassed of what I look like. I weigh more now than I did in high school when I was called 'rolly-poley' by my "friends". Not only do I feel fat, but I cannot stand Seth. I went from loving the guy, to hating everything about him--his breath, his posture, his hair...I mean the list goes on and on. I feel like a grumpy little oompa loompa....

Aside from all that, I have two weeks left of my first trimester...today marks my 10th week of pregnancy.  I am trying to keep my mind off the weight gain (it's hard) and trying to remember that I am carrying a tiny little miracle. I would have killed for this before, and now need to be happy about it. I cannot wait until I finally have a little baby bump, so I can truly feel pregnant. Here's a couple of my "bump" pics from weeks 8 and 9...and a little pregnancy survey.

How far along? 10 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: Even though I've been incredibly sick..I've gained 7 pounds :-/

 
Maternity clothes? Not yet...I have had to use the rubberband trick for my size 24 jeans

Stretch marks? Nope

Sleep: Tired all the time! I could sleep for days...but have a terrible time getting comfortable at night

Best moment this week: Shopping with Seth and getting some flowy clothes to feel more comfortable in.

Movement: Not yet

Food cravings: Cherry Coke, Bread, Peanut Butter

Gender: ??? Everyone thinks it's a girl & we have been given quite a lot of girl gifts.

Labor Signs: Nope

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

What I miss: Being able to control my weight...mojitos!

What I am looking forward to:Getting my bump

Weekly Wisdom: I found that the healthier I am able to eat, the less sick I feel the next day.

Milestones: I only feel sick every other day now...and have been able to slowly start to workout again.