Scary News, by: Zayle

(I did just notice that the pictures never uploaded, from our Jamaica trip...I will try and fix this problem)
After I finished writing my last post, I finally received the call I had been waiting on from my OB. They said that my results were in, and that the doctor needed to see me immediately. I knew something was wrong then. They had told us we would receive our results from mail, or phone call...nobody ever said anything about us coming in. They scheduled us for early the next morning. That day we received some very frightening news. We did find out that, as I suspected, she's a girl...but she tested 90 out of 100% positive for trisomy 18. The news the doctor gave us that day was very grim. Babies with this chromosomal abnormality usually don't make it to full term, if they do, they die within hours or days. Only 10% of these children make it to their first birthday, but even then it isn't really living. Most have feeding tubes, never learn to walk, and have to have 24 hour care. There are cases of children living on to adulthood, but to me it's not really living when they can only say one word, cannot walk, and cannot eat on their own. To say that we are frightened is an understatement. On July 14, I go in to see the genetic counselor and to have an amniocentesis. This will tell us if those results from the test done were right, or wrong. I have read tons of stories about false positives on these tests, so even though the doctor said this test is 99% accurate, I still have faith in my little girl.
As long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. I have longed for this, and have especially hoped and prayed for a little girl. Now that my dreams have come true, I'm not ready to let them go. It is hard now going on with day to day life, but I have done the best to my abilities. I have kept hair and nail appts, as bad as I felt about going, I was encouraged to do so. The one thing that I have had trouble with doing, is being around large groups of people. I don't want the sympathetic stares, or anyone feeling awkward around me. It's also hard being around my husband. We deal with things so differently. He is more of a crier, and hugger, and wants to be around a lot of people. While I do not want to be around others, besides my family, and I want to stay strong and hopeful and not let myself get too down just yet. I want to believe that my little Vivienne, is going to be just fine. I want her to be healthy, and live out her life capable of enjoying it, and knowing what is going on around her. I know I will have to go on if there is something wrong, I'm a strong person and know that I can do it--but it will kill me. I have been through so many struggles in my life, which so many would never know, but I feel like this would truly break me. I won't show it, I won't let myself. But will I still have a heart? It's been chipped away at for so long, that I don't know that it will be there anymore. I'm afraid I will be a cold, hard person, with no love left to give. I know that God has a reason for everything, I just pray that there isn't a reason to take my baby away. If he does, I know one day I will be able to look back and know why he did it...but that doesn't make this any less scary.  I will keep the blog updated with any new news, and update on the workouts I am doing and how my healthy eating is going this week. Living life normally now, without stress, is the best thing for Vivienne right now, and I am doing the best I can.

Saying I Do, and the Summer time Blues

ha who am I kidding, summer time is great!...well it has officially been FOREVER, yet again since I have blogged. I promise, now that it is summer the blogging will be much more frequent, since I'll have so much more time on my hands. So what's new?! I am officially married...and I can't stand my husband...I blame this on my 13 week old peach inside of me. I really used to love the guy, until I got pregnant. Now I feel awful because everything about him grosses me out--especially his breathe! BUT because I know that somewhere deep down inside of me, are feelings of love--I went through with the wedding. It was short and sweet, and exactly what I wanted, right on the beach in Jamaica. (Wedding and Jamaica pics to come in a separate blog).






Speaking of Jamaica, it was absolutely gorgeous. The water couldn't have been anymore blue, and the staff at the resort that we stayed at, were the nicest people ever! Even the wild cats that lived there were nice. I missed being able to drink all the yummy looking cocktails, but didn't miss the bloat that drinking alcohol causes...instead I just enjoyed the bloat the baby is making...or my mini bump that appears after I eat. We had a wonderful time, and are planning an anniversary trip back some day...maybe instead of sandals, we'll go to Beaches, with the kid.






Aside from my wedding and Jamaica, I had the panorama blood test done before I left, to test for down syndrome AND the gender. I am absolutely dying for those results to come in. I still feel like it's a girl, along with my family. Seth and his family are team boy all the way. I honestly will be happy either way, I'm just ready to find out so the shopping can begin! I also can't wait for this all day sickness to go away, I am officially in my second trimester, and still sick. I've searched for things to do, along with taking my pill, and think that better nutrition is the key. The thing is, I'm still having a hard time stomaching anything healthy. I've said before I'm going to start implementing herbalife shakes, well now that I'm back from paradise, it's on. I've read so many conflicting views on drinking herbalife while pregnant, I think most people think of it as a weight loss product--which it can be, but I won't be replacing meals with it, instead I'll be using it as a snack/supplement. I need all the added nutrition I can get, as I've basically been living on carbs alone. After a week of pure relaxation, I'm also getting back to working out with my Tracy Anderson pregnancy dvds, walking, and boot camp. Working out always helps my moods, and with how grumpy I am 24/7 I need all the help I can get! Below are my most recent stats...hopefully my next post will be revealing the gender...fingers crossed. <3

How far along? 13 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: Still 7 pounds


Maternity clothes? Not yet

Stretch marks? Nope


Sleep: I'm not AS tired as I was during the first trimester, although my typical bed time is 8 pm.

Best moment this week: hmmm...being able to feel the hard bump in my belly when I wake up.

Movement: Not yet


Food cravings: Orange juice and muffins

Gender: Still not sure

Labor Signs: Nope

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

What I miss: Being skinny and liking Seth

What I am looking forward to: finding out the gender

Weekly Wisdom: I found that the healthier I am able to eat, the less sick I feel the next day (same as before).

Milestones: Getting a little bump, it is more prominent when I eat