Wednesday, April 13, 2016
In need of an Update...by: Zayle
Almost a year later...last time I wrote was last June, and at that time we did not know if my baby had Trisomy 18 or not. It's been so long, and I have absolutely no idea if anyone ever sees this blog anymore...BUT in case anyone is wondering...Vivienne Dawn Riddle is a perfect, healthy, beautiful, angelic baby girl, without Trisomy 18, who will be 4 months old on Saturday. She was born December 16, 2015 weighing in at 5 lbs. 6 oz. I absolutely adore being her Momma! She makes everyday a little brighter, and I cannot believe the overwhelming love that I feel for her. (Now MAYBE, I'll actually keep up with blogging...and tell a little about getting the baby weight off).
Saturday, July 25, 2015
18 weeks and 4 days
How far along? 18 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 9 pounds
Maternity clothes? Not yet
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: I cannot sleep through the night without having to get up 2 times to potty.
Sleep: I cannot sleep through the night without having to get up 2 times to potty.
Best moment this week: Only throwing up once!
Movement: All the time--especially when I'm working out.
Food cravings: I'm doing the 21 day fix--so everything! I crave cherry coke, baked goods, and sour stuff.
Gender: GIRL
Food cravings: I'm doing the 21 day fix--so everything! I crave cherry coke, baked goods, and sour stuff.
Labor Signs: Nope
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
What I miss: Everything I can't have--like alcohol.
What I am looking forward to: finding out the amnio results
Weekly Wisdom: No accidentally rolling on my belly, Vivi gets mad and starts flopping around
Milestones: Actually looking pregnant! No more awkward fat stage
Baby Update, by: Zayle
I thought I'd be a little better about blogging with it being summer time...but I feel like I'm busier than ever! Last time I blogged, I told about our scare we received from the doctor. Well, things are looking a little more hopeful this time around, while we still don't have a 100% positive that our baby girl is ok, we did get some good news. About a week and a half ago we had an appointment with a genetic counselor and a specialist to look and talk about our baby. The genetic counselor told us that although we were first told the chances of our baby having Trisomy 18 was 90%, that it really is only a 30% chance. Which, there is still a chance, BUT I'll take 30% over 90% any day. After talking with her, we had a level 2 ultrasound done. Babies with Trisomy 18 will have certain defects that will show up on a level 2 ultrasound, such as--clenched hands, a strawberry shaped skull, a banana shaped spine, cysts on the brain, problems with the heart, rocker bottom feet, and a cleft lip, to name a few. Babies with this usually show up with severe development issues, as well. During our Level 2 ultrasound we were able to see everything but her feet and face, because she was in a ball and was not coming out, everything was perfect--she had no defects that could be seen. She also was measuring right on target. The doctor told us that she doesn't look like a baby with Trisomy 18, but that he still wants to see her face and feet, and wants to do an amniocentesis to make sure. I go in this Tuesday for that procedure, and to say that I'm nervous is an understatement. There is a risk of miscarriage, albeit it is very small, but it is still scary. AND a big needle going in my belly...sounds awful! I'd rather not get it, because in my heart I think she is fine, and if she isn't we will cross that bridge when it comes. I truly believe in the power of prayer, and believe that with all of our family and friends who have been praying for us, that everything will be alright, regardless of the results.
In other news we have come up with a name, Vivienne Dawn Riddle, and she is quite the busy little thing. She is constantly moving all around and kicking momma, and loves to curl in a tiny ball on momma's left side. I am almost halfway through this pregnancy and getting so excited to see this sweet baby's face.
In other news we have come up with a name, Vivienne Dawn Riddle, and she is quite the busy little thing. She is constantly moving all around and kicking momma, and loves to curl in a tiny ball on momma's left side. I am almost halfway through this pregnancy and getting so excited to see this sweet baby's face.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Scary News, by: Zayle
(I did just notice that the pictures never uploaded, from our Jamaica trip...I will try and fix this problem)
After I finished writing my last post, I finally received the call I had been waiting on from my OB. They said that my results were in, and that the doctor needed to see me immediately. I knew something was wrong then. They had told us we would receive our results from mail, or phone call...nobody ever said anything about us coming in. They scheduled us for early the next morning. That day we received some very frightening news. We did find out that, as I suspected, she's a girl...but she tested 90 out of 100% positive for trisomy 18. The news the doctor gave us that day was very grim. Babies with this chromosomal abnormality usually don't make it to full term, if they do, they die within hours or days. Only 10% of these children make it to their first birthday, but even then it isn't really living. Most have feeding tubes, never learn to walk, and have to have 24 hour care. There are cases of children living on to adulthood, but to me it's not really living when they can only say one word, cannot walk, and cannot eat on their own. To say that we are frightened is an understatement. On July 14, I go in to see the genetic counselor and to have an amniocentesis. This will tell us if those results from the test done were right, or wrong. I have read tons of stories about false positives on these tests, so even though the doctor said this test is 99% accurate, I still have faith in my little girl.
As long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. I have longed for this, and have especially hoped and prayed for a little girl. Now that my dreams have come true, I'm not ready to let them go. It is hard now going on with day to day life, but I have done the best to my abilities. I have kept hair and nail appts, as bad as I felt about going, I was encouraged to do so. The one thing that I have had trouble with doing, is being around large groups of people. I don't want the sympathetic stares, or anyone feeling awkward around me. It's also hard being around my husband. We deal with things so differently. He is more of a crier, and hugger, and wants to be around a lot of people. While I do not want to be around others, besides my family, and I want to stay strong and hopeful and not let myself get too down just yet. I want to believe that my little Vivienne, is going to be just fine. I want her to be healthy, and live out her life capable of enjoying it, and knowing what is going on around her. I know I will have to go on if there is something wrong, I'm a strong person and know that I can do it--but it will kill me. I have been through so many struggles in my life, which so many would never know, but I feel like this would truly break me. I won't show it, I won't let myself. But will I still have a heart? It's been chipped away at for so long, that I don't know that it will be there anymore. I'm afraid I will be a cold, hard person, with no love left to give. I know that God has a reason for everything, I just pray that there isn't a reason to take my baby away. If he does, I know one day I will be able to look back and know why he did it...but that doesn't make this any less scary. I will keep the blog updated with any new news, and update on the workouts I am doing and how my healthy eating is going this week. Living life normally now, without stress, is the best thing for Vivienne right now, and I am doing the best I can.
After I finished writing my last post, I finally received the call I had been waiting on from my OB. They said that my results were in, and that the doctor needed to see me immediately. I knew something was wrong then. They had told us we would receive our results from mail, or phone call...nobody ever said anything about us coming in. They scheduled us for early the next morning. That day we received some very frightening news. We did find out that, as I suspected, she's a girl...but she tested 90 out of 100% positive for trisomy 18. The news the doctor gave us that day was very grim. Babies with this chromosomal abnormality usually don't make it to full term, if they do, they die within hours or days. Only 10% of these children make it to their first birthday, but even then it isn't really living. Most have feeding tubes, never learn to walk, and have to have 24 hour care. There are cases of children living on to adulthood, but to me it's not really living when they can only say one word, cannot walk, and cannot eat on their own. To say that we are frightened is an understatement. On July 14, I go in to see the genetic counselor and to have an amniocentesis. This will tell us if those results from the test done were right, or wrong. I have read tons of stories about false positives on these tests, so even though the doctor said this test is 99% accurate, I still have faith in my little girl.
As long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. I have longed for this, and have especially hoped and prayed for a little girl. Now that my dreams have come true, I'm not ready to let them go. It is hard now going on with day to day life, but I have done the best to my abilities. I have kept hair and nail appts, as bad as I felt about going, I was encouraged to do so. The one thing that I have had trouble with doing, is being around large groups of people. I don't want the sympathetic stares, or anyone feeling awkward around me. It's also hard being around my husband. We deal with things so differently. He is more of a crier, and hugger, and wants to be around a lot of people. While I do not want to be around others, besides my family, and I want to stay strong and hopeful and not let myself get too down just yet. I want to believe that my little Vivienne, is going to be just fine. I want her to be healthy, and live out her life capable of enjoying it, and knowing what is going on around her. I know I will have to go on if there is something wrong, I'm a strong person and know that I can do it--but it will kill me. I have been through so many struggles in my life, which so many would never know, but I feel like this would truly break me. I won't show it, I won't let myself. But will I still have a heart? It's been chipped away at for so long, that I don't know that it will be there anymore. I'm afraid I will be a cold, hard person, with no love left to give. I know that God has a reason for everything, I just pray that there isn't a reason to take my baby away. If he does, I know one day I will be able to look back and know why he did it...but that doesn't make this any less scary. I will keep the blog updated with any new news, and update on the workouts I am doing and how my healthy eating is going this week. Living life normally now, without stress, is the best thing for Vivienne right now, and I am doing the best I can.
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Saying I Do, and the Summer time Blues
ha who am I kidding, summer time is great!...well it has officially been FOREVER, yet again since I have blogged. I promise, now that it is summer the blogging will be much more frequent, since I'll have so much more time on my hands. So what's new?! I am officially married...and I can't stand my husband...I blame this on my 13 week old peach inside of me. I really used to love the guy, until I got pregnant. Now I feel awful because everything about him grosses me out--especially his breathe! BUT because I know that somewhere deep down inside of me, are feelings of love--I went through with the wedding. It was short and sweet, and exactly what I wanted, right on the beach in Jamaica. (Wedding and Jamaica pics to come in a separate blog).
Speaking of Jamaica, it was absolutely gorgeous. The water couldn't have been anymore blue, and the staff at the resort that we stayed at, were the nicest people ever! Even the wild cats that lived there were nice. I missed being able to drink all the yummy looking cocktails, but didn't miss the bloat that drinking alcohol causes...instead I just enjoyed the bloat the baby is making...or my mini bump that appears after I eat. We had a wonderful time, and are planning an anniversary trip back some day...maybe instead of sandals, we'll go to Beaches, with the kid.
Aside from my wedding and Jamaica, I had the panorama blood test done before I left, to test for down syndrome AND the gender. I am absolutely dying for those results to come in. I still feel like it's a girl, along with my family. Seth and his family are team boy all the way. I honestly will be happy either way, I'm just ready to find out so the shopping can begin! I also can't wait for this all day sickness to go away, I am officially in my second trimester, and still sick. I've searched for things to do, along with taking my pill, and think that better nutrition is the key. The thing is, I'm still having a hard time stomaching anything healthy. I've said before I'm going to start implementing herbalife shakes, well now that I'm back from paradise, it's on. I've read so many conflicting views on drinking herbalife while pregnant, I think most people think of it as a weight loss product--which it can be, but I won't be replacing meals with it, instead I'll be using it as a snack/supplement. I need all the added nutrition I can get, as I've basically been living on carbs alone. After a week of pure relaxation, I'm also getting back to working out with my Tracy Anderson pregnancy dvds, walking, and boot camp. Working out always helps my moods, and with how grumpy I am 24/7 I need all the help I can get! Below are my most recent stats...hopefully my next post will be revealing the gender...fingers crossed. <3
Total weight gain/loss: Still 7 pounds
Maternity clothes? Not yet
Speaking of Jamaica, it was absolutely gorgeous. The water couldn't have been anymore blue, and the staff at the resort that we stayed at, were the nicest people ever! Even the wild cats that lived there were nice. I missed being able to drink all the yummy looking cocktails, but didn't miss the bloat that drinking alcohol causes...instead I just enjoyed the bloat the baby is making...or my mini bump that appears after I eat. We had a wonderful time, and are planning an anniversary trip back some day...maybe instead of sandals, we'll go to Beaches, with the kid.
Aside from my wedding and Jamaica, I had the panorama blood test done before I left, to test for down syndrome AND the gender. I am absolutely dying for those results to come in. I still feel like it's a girl, along with my family. Seth and his family are team boy all the way. I honestly will be happy either way, I'm just ready to find out so the shopping can begin! I also can't wait for this all day sickness to go away, I am officially in my second trimester, and still sick. I've searched for things to do, along with taking my pill, and think that better nutrition is the key. The thing is, I'm still having a hard time stomaching anything healthy. I've said before I'm going to start implementing herbalife shakes, well now that I'm back from paradise, it's on. I've read so many conflicting views on drinking herbalife while pregnant, I think most people think of it as a weight loss product--which it can be, but I won't be replacing meals with it, instead I'll be using it as a snack/supplement. I need all the added nutrition I can get, as I've basically been living on carbs alone. After a week of pure relaxation, I'm also getting back to working out with my Tracy Anderson pregnancy dvds, walking, and boot camp. Working out always helps my moods, and with how grumpy I am 24/7 I need all the help I can get! Below are my most recent stats...hopefully my next post will be revealing the gender...fingers crossed. <3
How far along? 13 weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: Still 7 pounds
Maternity clothes? Not yet
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: I'm not AS tired as I was during the first trimester, although my typical bed time is 8 pm.
Sleep: I'm not AS tired as I was during the first trimester, although my typical bed time is 8 pm.
Best moment this week: hmmm...being able to feel the hard bump in my belly when I wake up.
Movement: Not yet
Food cravings: Orange juice and muffins
Gender: Still not sure
Food cravings: Orange juice and muffins
Labor Signs: Nope
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
What I miss: Being skinny and liking Seth
What I am looking forward to: finding out the gender
Weekly Wisdom: I found that the healthier I am able to eat, the less sick I feel the next day (same as before).
Milestones: Getting a little bump, it is more prominent when I eat
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
It's been Forever...Again...By: Zayle
This pregnancy thing, has got to be one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful, but it is tough!
I never thought I would be pregnant, or I thought that the journey would be really long. I was diagnosed with PCOS a couple of years ago, Seth and I decided we would start trying early because we wanted to get pregnant shortly after we got married. The doctor warned us that it would take some time and we would most likely have to see a specialist. He wanted us to try for three months and if we didn't get pregnant, then we would start looking at different options. Never in a million years did I think that we would end up pregnant that first try. I most definitely wasn't wanting to be pregnant before the wedding, but looking at it now it fell at the absolute perfect time--when I give birth I'll actually be on a month long break from grad school. This pregnancy is a miracle, and it must be meant to be.
However, this miracle, is incredibly trying on a girl who has suffered from eating disorders for years. Seeing my weight go up on the scale has been almost unbearable. I have already gained 7 pounds...the amount of weight you should gain the first trimester is 1-5 pounds. I know that this has a lot to do with my eating, it is tough to eat anything healthy these days. The thought of chicken or fish makes me want to run to the toilet. Carbs seem to be my best friend at keeping some of the nausea at bay...but obviously not my friend when it comes to the scale. I've also been so incredibly sick that I haven't been able to keep up with my workouts, it's all I can do just to get to work every morning. I battle feeling queasy all day long. Knowing I'll be on the beach in two weeks has me wanting to run for the hills. I'm dreading my wedding!
There are days I don't want to leave the house or go anywhere, I try to dodge my friends outside of work because I am embarrassed of what I look like. I weigh more now than I did in high school when I was called 'rolly-poley' by my "friends". Not only do I feel fat, but I cannot stand Seth. I went from loving the guy, to hating everything about him--his breath, his posture, his hair...I mean the list goes on and on. I feel like a grumpy little oompa loompa....
Aside from all that, I have two weeks left of my first trimester...today marks my 10th week of pregnancy. I am trying to keep my mind off the weight gain (it's hard) and trying to remember that I am carrying a tiny little miracle. I would have killed for this before, and now need to be happy about it. I cannot wait until I finally have a little baby bump, so I can truly feel pregnant. Here's a couple of my "bump" pics from weeks 8 and 9...and a little pregnancy survey.
Maternity clothes? Not yet...I have had to use the rubberband trick for my size 24 jeans
Best
moment this week: Shopping with Seth and getting some flowy clothes to feel more comfortable in.
Gender: ??? Everyone thinks it's a girl & we have been given quite a lot of girl gifts.
I never thought I would be pregnant, or I thought that the journey would be really long. I was diagnosed with PCOS a couple of years ago, Seth and I decided we would start trying early because we wanted to get pregnant shortly after we got married. The doctor warned us that it would take some time and we would most likely have to see a specialist. He wanted us to try for three months and if we didn't get pregnant, then we would start looking at different options. Never in a million years did I think that we would end up pregnant that first try. I most definitely wasn't wanting to be pregnant before the wedding, but looking at it now it fell at the absolute perfect time--when I give birth I'll actually be on a month long break from grad school. This pregnancy is a miracle, and it must be meant to be.
However, this miracle, is incredibly trying on a girl who has suffered from eating disorders for years. Seeing my weight go up on the scale has been almost unbearable. I have already gained 7 pounds...the amount of weight you should gain the first trimester is 1-5 pounds. I know that this has a lot to do with my eating, it is tough to eat anything healthy these days. The thought of chicken or fish makes me want to run to the toilet. Carbs seem to be my best friend at keeping some of the nausea at bay...but obviously not my friend when it comes to the scale. I've also been so incredibly sick that I haven't been able to keep up with my workouts, it's all I can do just to get to work every morning. I battle feeling queasy all day long. Knowing I'll be on the beach in two weeks has me wanting to run for the hills. I'm dreading my wedding!
There are days I don't want to leave the house or go anywhere, I try to dodge my friends outside of work because I am embarrassed of what I look like. I weigh more now than I did in high school when I was called 'rolly-poley' by my "friends". Not only do I feel fat, but I cannot stand Seth. I went from loving the guy, to hating everything about him--his breath, his posture, his hair...I mean the list goes on and on. I feel like a grumpy little oompa loompa....
Aside from all that, I have two weeks left of my first trimester...today marks my 10th week of pregnancy. I am trying to keep my mind off the weight gain (it's hard) and trying to remember that I am carrying a tiny little miracle. I would have killed for this before, and now need to be happy about it. I cannot wait until I finally have a little baby bump, so I can truly feel pregnant. Here's a couple of my "bump" pics from weeks 8 and 9...and a little pregnancy survey.
How far along? 10 weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: Even though I've been incredibly sick..I've gained 7 pounds :-/
Maternity clothes? Not yet...I have had to use the rubberband trick for my size 24 jeans
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: Tired all the time! I could sleep for days...but have a terrible time getting comfortable at night
Movement: Not yet
Food cravings: Cherry Coke, Bread, Peanut Butter
Labor Signs: Nope
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
What I miss: Being able to control my weight...mojitos!
What
I am looking forward to:Getting my bump
Weekly Wisdom: I found that the healthier I am able to eat, the less sick I feel the next day.
Milestones: I only feel sick every other day now...and have been able to slowly start to workout again.
Monday, May 11, 2015
My Big Fat Pregnancy By: Zayle
I really envy those people who have fabulous pregnancies, and love every second of it. I wouldn't wish for a minute to lose this pregnancy, but this business is AWFUL! Pregnancy sucks! I had every intention of staying on track with my working out and eating super healthy...until my ALL DAY sickness got in the way. I feel like I have the flu and some crazy stomach virus all in one. I should also probably be locked up, because I'm a complete mental case!
I've tried my best to eat healthy, and have some of the things I've been eating below. BUT these have even changed, just looking at that ranch makes me want to vomit. I cannot handle meat right now either, so I've tried to come up with other ways to get my protein in. Right now I'm really loving Orowheat sandwich thins in the morning, with two teaspoons of peanut butter and egg whites with swiss cheese. I have to eat every two hours, sometimes less, or I'm sick. For snacks I enjoy cottage cheese, fruit, and was enjoy veggies with ranch until today. I've been having a Herbalife shake with dark chocolate almond milk for lunch, and am going to be trying veggie burgers for dinner this week. You would think with how sick I've been I would have lost weight, but no I've gained! I feel so bloated and uncomfortable all the time...apparently this can be normal, but I feel like a whale.
I've also been the meanest lady around. I literally cannot stand Seth, I've heard this is normal too, but I feel awful! Everything he does drives me insane...and can we talk about his breath?! (ALONG with every other person's in the world)...things that I used to not mind, smell awful now and make me gag. I cannot stand the cat food, or my makeup...and any kind of meat product...forget about it. I don't even know who my body belongs to anymore...but it isn't me. I feel like a complete alien, and cannot wait to get to the second trimester!!!
Aside from all the craziness, we did get to go to the OB the other day (and I got some pills for nausea, which help a bit but take some time to kick in) Baby is due December 22. Tomorrow it will be the size of a large raspberry and will finally not have a tail anymore. Only one more week of being an embryo for Baby Riddle.
I've tried my best to eat healthy, and have some of the things I've been eating below. BUT these have even changed, just looking at that ranch makes me want to vomit. I cannot handle meat right now either, so I've tried to come up with other ways to get my protein in. Right now I'm really loving Orowheat sandwich thins in the morning, with two teaspoons of peanut butter and egg whites with swiss cheese. I have to eat every two hours, sometimes less, or I'm sick. For snacks I enjoy cottage cheese, fruit, and was enjoy veggies with ranch until today. I've been having a Herbalife shake with dark chocolate almond milk for lunch, and am going to be trying veggie burgers for dinner this week. You would think with how sick I've been I would have lost weight, but no I've gained! I feel so bloated and uncomfortable all the time...apparently this can be normal, but I feel like a whale.
I've also been the meanest lady around. I literally cannot stand Seth, I've heard this is normal too, but I feel awful! Everything he does drives me insane...and can we talk about his breath?! (ALONG with every other person's in the world)...things that I used to not mind, smell awful now and make me gag. I cannot stand the cat food, or my makeup...and any kind of meat product...forget about it. I don't even know who my body belongs to anymore...but it isn't me. I feel like a complete alien, and cannot wait to get to the second trimester!!!
Aside from all the craziness, we did get to go to the OB the other day (and I got some pills for nausea, which help a bit but take some time to kick in) Baby is due December 22. Tomorrow it will be the size of a large raspberry and will finally not have a tail anymore. Only one more week of being an embryo for Baby Riddle.
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